ITS MY BDAE TODAY~!~!
well, tat's the oni bright side of my life today
somehow, today also made me realise tat none of my frends actually really understands me
yeah it's true i hide myself behind tat fake smile
laughing n cracking jokes as if i got no problems in my life
but when the 4 walls of my room surrounds me, my ugly side rears
i am a pesimistic kinda person, i rather not take the chance of getting hurt more
ppl always tells me i shuld be happy wif wat i have now, rather then not having wat i have
but i can say tat it does not matter to me wat i have now
i'm in the last phrase of my enjoyment
serving the army in a few mths time
this timing can't come at a even betta time
jus nice i can break away from my frends
they always tell me "dun worry la, when u go ns we will still contact de"
but look at now, before i even go in it's like i'm a non existent person
finding me oni when they got nth to do or need smth from me
a present from them jus had this sentence tat matches wat i feel
"even when taked for granted by me, continuing to provide for the needs and desires of the unpredictable creature i am"
some frends, borrow money, neva bother to return
some can even forget
if u r my frend u would at least have the heart to return
i dun like to go ard asking for my money
it's make me feel like some kinda of loan shark
yeah, my bdae, i had reminded them of it abt a week before
wat if i did not
will it jus slip through their minds like it did for my dad
he dun even noe it's my bdae
it's been many yrs since i last heard "happy bdae son" from him
i dun blame him, he's been bringing me up since i was born
he always give me tat kind of heck care attidute
allowing me to do watever i wan
but sometimes i jus a little hint of concern of care from him
maybe he's busy, maybe he's always wif my step mom
not like i hate my step mom, in fact i love her for the things she do for me everyday
my hse is always feels empty, my parents in their room
ppl start to take my hse like some kind of hotel
no place to go, it's off to my hse
no prob wif it but there r times where they tend to make so much noise tat ppl complain
then wat? security guards come over my place *knock knock*
i am a bad tempered person, tat personality nv change over the yrs
i dun like to think for other ppl
hu cares if u all come out today?? it's jus the same bunch of ppl i see everytime
when i lose my temper, pls let things be my way
today, my bdae, expected everyone to be happy
one person, black face spoil my farking mood
i hate tis kind of thing
wanted to go home, stopped by fadzli, giving me craps like "huiting come down here for u leh"
once again, i can't be bothered
i'm going to "sayonara" wif them anywayz
frends come n go, wif exceptions eg: fadz
wif reference to some part above, "wow, i oni saw huiting after a looooooong time"
i wondered wat if i kept quiet abt my bdae??
"wow it will take even longer"
everyone have their own frends, own lifes, own problems
sure i can't expect them to remember me
i admit i kinda selfish, always wan things to be my way
but at least i adopt the attitude of anything la
let me see.. one person oni actually remembers my bdae on the exact date..
"michelle (SP)"
i nv going to forget her
the rest is thru my msn nick or me purposely di siaoing them "where's my present"
usual outing grp = 2 couples + me
me = extra
it's not tat i dun wan to go get a stead
i dun have the confidence to go n do it
i'm afraid of failure, choosing to like the person in silence
i can't make it anywayz, i bound to spoil the progress somewhere
sick of fake smiles, tired of acting i'm happy
ns is my break time
bye n thanks for being in my life for tat short moment
posted @ 10:45 PM