ITS MY BDAE TODAY~!~!
well, tat's the oni bright side of my life today
somehow, today also made me realise tat none of my frends actually really understands me
yeah it's true i hide myself behind tat fake smile
laughing n cracking jokes as if i got no problems in my life
but when the 4 walls of my room surrounds me, my ugly side rears
i am a pesimistic kinda person, i rather not take the chance of getting hurt more
ppl always tells me i shuld be happy wif wat i have now, rather then not having wat i have
but i can say tat it does not matter to me wat i have now
i'm in the last phrase of my enjoyment
serving the army in a few mths time
this timing can't come at a even betta time
jus nice i can break away from my frends
they always tell me "dun worry la, when u go ns we will still contact de"
but look at now, before i even go in it's like i'm a non existent person
finding me oni when they got nth to do or need smth from me
a present from them jus had this sentence tat matches wat i feel
"even when taked for granted by me, continuing to provide for the needs and desires of the unpredictable creature i am"
some frends, borrow money, neva bother to return
some can even forget
if u r my frend u would at least have the heart to return
i dun like to go ard asking for my money
it's make me feel like some kinda of loan shark
yeah, my bdae, i had reminded them of it abt a week before
wat if i did not
will it jus slip through their minds like it did for my dad
he dun even noe it's my bdae
it's been many yrs since i last heard "happy bdae son" from him
i dun blame him, he's been bringing me up since i was born
he always give me tat kind of heck care attidute
allowing me to do watever i wan
but sometimes i jus a little hint of concern of care from him
maybe he's busy, maybe he's always wif my step mom
not like i hate my step mom, in fact i love her for the things she do for me everyday
my hse is always feels empty, my parents in their room
ppl start to take my hse like some kind of hotel
no place to go, it's off to my hse
no prob wif it but there r times where they tend to make so much noise tat ppl complain
then wat? security guards come over my place *knock knock*
i am a bad tempered person, tat personality nv change over the yrs
i dun like to think for other ppl
hu cares if u all come out today?? it's jus the same bunch of ppl i see everytime
when i lose my temper, pls let things be my way
today, my bdae, expected everyone to be happy
one person, black face spoil my farking mood
i hate tis kind of thing
wanted to go home, stopped by fadzli, giving me craps like "huiting come down here for u leh"
once again, i can't be bothered
i'm going to "sayonara" wif them anywayz
frends come n go, wif exceptions eg: fadz
wif reference to some part above, "wow, i oni saw huiting after a looooooong time"
i wondered wat if i kept quiet abt my bdae??
"wow it will take even longer"
everyone have their own frends, own lifes, own problems
sure i can't expect them to remember me
i admit i kinda selfish, always wan things to be my way
but at least i adopt the attitude of anything la
let me see.. one person oni actually remembers my bdae on the exact date..
"michelle (SP)"
i nv going to forget her
the rest is thru my msn nick or me purposely di siaoing them "where's my present"
usual outing grp = 2 couples + me
me = extra
it's not tat i dun wan to go get a stead
i dun have the confidence to go n do it
i'm afraid of failure, choosing to like the person in silence
i can't make it anywayz, i bound to spoil the progress somewhere
sick of fake smiles, tired of acting i'm happy
ns is my break time
bye n thanks for being in my life for tat short moment
posted @ 10:45 PM
a quick update..
fri:
went to ck hse to actually start doing fyp.. well, say is do la.. but nv do much.. end up our web site oni do 2 pages.. tat is the interface oni.. all the coding haven't even touch yet.. tis week must show teacher liaoz dunno how haha.. wanted to borrow some games from him but he have one all i have also.. so nvm.. sis now at home liaoz so sometimes cannot use com.. so me going back to play playstation.. was thinking of saving up to buy playstation 2..
sat:
rotted at home.. short n simple..
sun:
hari raya.. well, i went to my auntie hse in the afternoon oni to find out at they not at home.. well i didn't noe cos every hari raya always go to my auntie hse one.. called my relatives oni to find out tis yr hari raya celebrations was held at my other auntie place which is at sengkang.. there i was at boon lay n they call me go sengkang?? no way man.. so i told my ah ma i will be there tml instead.. nvm if i can't get all the green paos.. i can't be bothered anywayz.. went to meet peiyu n cecilia at queenstown at abt 3.. peiyu reached early so called me to go meet her at mechmaster.. but i forgot where it is walk until dunno where lol.. after i finally found my way to mechmaster, me n peiyu went ahead to play pool while waiting for cecilia to come.. somehow i keep on losing to peiyu.. too suay liaoz i think lol.. anywayz, peiyu saw tis little kitten when she went out to buy food for us.. then she was like "SO CUTE~!~!" then say wan to bring home.. again.. but cannot.. cos mom dun let i think.. then cecilia go n bring the kitten into the pool area when the auntie dun allow.. haha.. then peiyu tried to physco me to bring the cat home.. but i also cannot.. so feed the cat awhile lorz.. while continue playing.. then the stupid cat started meowing so loudly.. scared the auntie might hear so i go n play play wif the kitten.. dunno y the kitten will diam diam when playing wif me.. then stupid peiyu say the kitten like me.. dots.. then got some point where the auntie came near our area, i took the kitten hide inside toilet sia.. haha.. well, we played pool for quite long.. abt 2 n 1/2 hrs?? brought the kitten out.. bo pian have to leave the kitten where we found it.. peiyu die die dun wan to let go.. have to drag her away.. well, after tat went to talk crap for awhile before everyone headed home..
posted @ 9:54 PM
well, since i m already here i might as well update u guys abt the happening in my life.. later some ppl say i nv update blog again..
sat:
didn't get the sms to meet at ps at 4.. lucky i went to call fadz to 2 plus.. wasn't too late to rush down.. watching shark tail at 4.30.. so tat's y mus reach there by 4.. lucky tickets buy already.. due to our past experience of watching movies from the first 2 rows, we decided to buy the tickets beforehand.. well, actually i didn't wan to go meet them.. but they already buy so i bo pian la.. shark tails was quite nice.. my rating was 3.5/5.. catch it if u have not yet.. dinner was BK.. man i'm getting sick of fastfood.. oh well, after dinner was pooling time.. my weekends r pretty much the same.. meet the 2 couples, watch movie or watever, pooling, n walk ard town.. always the same..
sun - tues:
basically i rotted at home cos no money n no one call me out also..
wed:
my sis came back home.. well, she's like moving back here after being chase away by my dad a long time ago.. first thing she wanted to do is to use com.. saying tat she long time nv use liaoz.. so she used the com all the way from afternoon to nite.. doesn't matter la since i nv play any online game or anything.. tis led me to sit down in my living room.. giving me too much time to think abt the my life.. which comes up to = the earlier blog entry
today:
first of all, i didn't noe it was public holiday today.. haha.. well, i was so lost in my world tat i didn't even realise wat day it is.. so, ck n cheng you jioed me out today.. ryan n fadz called me out also.. i choose to go wif ck n cheng you.. went to ET.. play games.. headed to play pool after tat.. although cheng you was not very gd in it, i took a long time to win him.. my mood is connected to my pooling somehow.. played CS for awhile.. TOP FRAG~!~! ran into peter.. he challenged me to KOF.. won him 2 times.. third round i lost.. jus nice cos i had a movie to catch at 5.. watched ladder 49.. rating is 3/5.. nice show.. ending was abit sad.. abit draggy though.. after movie when to acc ck to eat dinner before heading back home..
tml mus start doing final yr proj liaoz lo.. so called holidays..
posted @ 11:03 PM
changed the old background music to tis new one.. dun ask me to change back to the old piano background music.. as tis piece of music has a special meaning in my heart..
posted @ 10:38 PM
well, kinda down rite now.. no particular reason.. jus, dun feel rite.. holidays r finally here.. although is jus 5 weeks, is betta then nth.. but still got proj to do.. sianz..
somehow i dun feel like going out wif the 2 couples anymore (fadz, lynn, ryan n yvonne) no reason.. jus dun feel like.. they tried to matchmake me cos they feel guilty.. guilty as in 5 ppl.. 2 couple + me (extra).. i can understand y they would feel tat way as it has always been tat way for quite some time already.. 2 mths plus plus?? niwayz, most of the time also i'm left wif my own tots.. so, to make things easier for both side is to jus stop hanging out wif them completely?? or i go find a gf.. lol.. but noeing my kind of pattern.. ar.. forget abt gf ba lol..
maybe i'm jus thinking too much like wat carol always say "dun think so much la u".. but i kinda regret all my past actions.. nv taken the chance when some opportunity arrives, instead i'll go n waste it all away.. well too late for regrets ba.. given the chance to return back to the way i was before i would gladly take it.. but it'll nv happen.. lol..
maybe i m wat i was always am.. the loner in school.. hence the nick LoNeWo|F
posted @ 9:36 PM
YESH~!~! I WON FADZ IN POOL TODAY.. BACK TO MY FULL FORM..
at least i hope it will last.. lol.. fadz kinda like off form today.. but still almost won me.. my shots were quite accurate today.. lol.. i think sat fadz sure come trash me one no need see..
geez man i dun even noe y i made tis entry for.. maybe too happy liaoz ba.. for few weeks my pool was down like i dunno how to play pool like tat.. i'm glad it reach back to my original lvl.. (dunno for how long before deprove again)
but well fadz, a consolation for u would be there's always ryan to trash.. if u lose to him then i got nth to say liaoz =P
posted @ 9:56 PM
as usual.. i am pretty lazy to update my blog.. no particular reason.. jus dun feel like.. not myself for the past few weeks.. dunno wat's wrong.. still crap alot but smth jus dun feel rite abt myself.. well, last week, my weekdays were spent mostly at home.. wif ah huat popping by every now and den to play alien vs predator.. ancient game i mus say.. weekend, as usual..
sat, i went out wif the 2 couples at town.. they tried to matchmake me or smth like tat to a ger but i was like "wat the hell i can't be bothered".. activity was usual.. pooling.. but tis time wif ah huat n terence.. so bo pian mus open 3 table tis time.. too many ppl liaoz.. but tis way no one had to wait for each other.. lol..
my pool deprove until like i dunno how to play.. i can't hit the ball properly.. sometimes the ball is jus rite infront of the pocket but somehow i can miss.. i dunno wat the hell happen to me but i'll try to figure it out soon.. there was tis subaru car thingi where ppl place their hands on the car.. endurance test?? hu can tahan the longest.. give me i sure lose one.. i can't even imagine myself standing there doing nth for the next few hrs or days even.. last yr event lasted for days.. ryan ton at my place on sat nite..
sun, meet up wif yvonne at JE wif ryan.. headed to IMM cos she wanted to buy some stuffs from there.. after tat headed towards JEC to meet up wif fadz.. headed towards ET.. noe wat?? the way the arcade work now is like playing LAN.. count by hrs one and the best part is tat u can play any game unlimitedly.. so i was like.. ROCK FEVER 4 all the way.. confirm worth the $3 i paid for the 1 1/2hrs of gaming.. went to play pool after tat.. i got trashed by fadz 11-4.. definetely not me.. i rarely lose to him tat bad.. i feel like quiting pool liaoz..
today.. went to school to study.. told ah huat n CK abt the ET thingi.. nv study much as we all ended up talking cock.. mainly becos we noe tat we pass already wif the exception of ah huat.. we 3 headed towards ET to play play.. challenge KOF many many times.. ah huat later coming over to ton at my place again.. hopefully we carry out our study plans instead of AVP at my hse.. lol..
well, i stopped playing maplestory already for those hu r wondering where i disappeared too.. kinda sian n also ppl jio me play warcraft or go out.. or ah huat "come leh AVP".. + exams tis week.. so maplestory nv play liaoz la.. but maybe i'll come back after exams.. see how la..
posted @ 6:53 PM